Sally

Back on Campus

/ staticsky

I had lunch on campus today – not at the roach coach not in the basement of our lab – in the actual student center. Society has a type of reverse entropy in that no matter the level of chaos it strives for normalcy. Or at the very least routine.

So I’m back to staying in my room, Sally is back to going to school (now located on campus), and if the green zone was open I’d work up the courage to ask Janice out on a date. A date on campus doesn’t seem right. Dating… see? an attempt at normalcy.

Erik has moved back to his room as well. We all have. The Green Zone is quiet and I hear the riots in town now are just something that happen every evening. The fear is gone just a sad desperation or perhaps a resignation seems to fill the air.

Tangentens and Alphans

/ staticsky

Okay it’s been decided.

Look, in a way Alpha and Tangent are our children, and I know parents are not supposed to have favorites, but let’s face it, Tangent is no one’s favorite, well no one from the original simulation team at least. The Greystle folks are just giddy about Tangent actually.

You know this is just another example of what has become a really awkward work environment. We’ve gotten to be like one huge clique. We exclude Greystle consultants from our lunch tables, our conversations change when one of them comes near (even when it doesn’t have to). Some of the old group has taken to calling them Greys (okay – almost all of us. Sally started it and it just worked so wonderfully). Unfortunately the new scientists and engineers that we’ve brought on are probably feeling a bit left out. But we don’t know who to trust, so we only trust ourselves.

So maybe Tangent just doesn’t feel like one of us. It does feel like a violent hopeless place. War is constant on the north continents with the inventions of war occurring at a quick pace. Luckily the spirit of warmongering hasn’t seemed to infect the lizards. That said though, they don’t seem to be the same as the guys on Alpha. They seem a little less interested in intellectual pursuits and are migrating farther south on the continent than they are on Alpha. It’s like they are scared of those apes up on the northern hemisphere (not to be too worried though, their ship building abilities seems to have been stuck at raft stage ever since the battles that occurred during the divergence).

We’ve taken to calling the primates on both Tangent and Alpha as Tangentens as a way to describe our disgust with them, and the lizards are now officially named Alphans. We are so very proud of them. We love our Alphans – The Tangentens make me think of the Greys. Not a nice way to think of our benefactors, but I’m beginning to think of them like I think of the Tangentens – that they are primitive, greedy and brutish. Even if their greed is symbolized only be their patent grabbing and their brutishness symbolized by the guards, whose presence I resent yet I must admit I am happy to feel safe in this day and age. Though the campus is safe I can tell from others in different departments that the actual feeling of safety is a rare commodity.

We got a gold star today at school

/ staticsky

Greystle is ecstatic about how tangent has worked out.

They’ve even given us some rewards. Though they don’t call them that.

They are now saying it is safer out. And maybe it is but you can still hear gun fire from the town. But supposedly the green zone is calm. Though we’ve been told that no one from our department is allowed to leave campus. But the point is we are allowed back into the campus – that is, we are finally allowed outside. Ahhh Vitamin D here I come.

It’s almost frightening how everyone is pretending things are back to normal. I even saw a frisbee game on the grounds today. Which of course is all the more exciting in the cold because the Frisbees crack when they hit a tree.

The roach coach lady is back which is a nice change from the basement food. Even if the quality of the food is a little sketchy. She’s not much for small talk these days though. Janice says she lost someone in the fighting.

There are some troops stationed near the main gate, and I hear there are a lot more in the woods on west side. But besides that, if you pretend, you can make yourself believe nothing has changed, except for the bunker like guard stations and the few burned out buildings on east campus.

On the lighter side it was like a gift to see Sally be able to run around in the snow. And being on a campus has its advantages if you want to start a snowball fight, there were plenty of people ready to join her.

Back inside we got permission from our “managers” at Greystle for someone from the mathematics department to check out the work being done by our southern lizard friends on Alpha. Not Ng, of course, but one of his grad students.

I’d never seen such a large pile of NDAs and other forms they gave the guy to sign.

At the end of the day it was hard to keep on target in the debrief we had with him. As much as we were proud of our lizards and we wanted to learn more of their achievements we mostly quizzed him about life on campus for the past few weeks.

Basically the lockdown wasn’t limited to us. There were still classes, but generally you took them from your dorm room. Troops occupied most of the grounds. Lab classes happened if the building was available via the maintenance tunnels. In the end his experience didn’t seem any better than ours, in fact it sounded a lot worse. He didn’t even get much more sunlight than us as most of the windows were boarded up.

Meanwhile the grid is full of celebrity news. Divorces seem to be on the up rise, but the uprisings don’t get much coverage.

Thank you Sally!

/ staticsky

Okay now I have to have a cover story for why I have this slate, if a guard ever asks for it again: I’m checking Sally’s homework and it is her slate.

Quick things to remember:

1) Make a better password
2) Thank Sally profusely for covering for me
3) Remember to keep the slate in my office
4) Buy Sally a gift
5) Put some of Sally’s homework on here just in case
6) Keep the unicorn stickers

/ staticsky

Hey, Sally here.

Rob keeps a diary. That is so cute. He even has a slate for to it. That is a good thing because Rob’s handwriting is awful. I had better handwriting when I was just doing block letters in pre-school. I’m doing cursive now.

Rob, two things:
1) I hope you like my unicorn stickers. If you’re going to tell the guards that this is my slate it has to look like it.
2) my mom’s name is perhaps the most obvious password ever.

And Rob before you freak I stopped reading after 2 posts. I think you really probably didn’t want me to read this when you handed it to me. But I think you’re going to have to tell me what POV is and what it has to do with me, that talented magical princess friend of yours.

So here is what is going on: Aliens. Yep Aliens.

The aliens are studying what we are like when we are trapped in a building and not being allowed to go outside.

That way they will know what will happen when they put us in a space ship and not allow us to go outside.

Living in the basement

/ staticsky

I used to joke how our team was just a bunch of basement dwellers, of course there were less of us then, but we didn’t live in a basement. But you know. Times change.

They’ve got a huge kitchen/dining area in our new basement campus and have even brought in some pretty good cooks. Though part of me misses the roach coach lady.

We have breakfast, lunch, and dinner there, and we eat in shifts. Not sure if that is really because there are so many folks living in here now or if Greystle want us to think there are.

The place just feels so large now. There are people on the staircase and in the halls that I don’t recognize. I have no idea where they came from or where they go during the day.

Janice, Kaitlin and Adit certainly have their ideas but I’ve pretty loudly told the teams the best thing for us is to just keep working on the project and let the world figure itself out.

Narcissistic? True, but giving basement dwelling nerds permission to live only in their world and not the real one is what I needed to do. Nothing good is going to happen if we get involved. And what could we do anyway. What should we do?

Besides, the project is the only thing that is really joyful in here. Well that and Sally. She’s taken to this so well, though she is definitely getting a little stir crazy. If it ever feels safe enough to pull POV out again I’d love to find some nice field or beach for her run on.

They’ve got some great horse like creatures in one of the southern continents. Sally would love to be one of those.

Sally’s also got the beat theories as to what is going on. Mostly they have to do with aliens.

Tear gas on the way home today

/ staticsky

I tried to sleep to the sounds of gun shots and the occasional explosion coming from the town and perhaps even from within the green zone itself. It was a failure. It seems fear keeps me awake better than Orexinal.

Erik banged on the door about an hour ago with the news. The President has ordered the arrest of the Speaker of the house and more than a few Senators and Reps have disappeared.

I guess tired of the months long cat and mouse game, the speaker sent out the Sargent in arms to arrest the President’s chief of staff for contempt of congress, but this time not symbolicly as it has been with all the other contempt charges for Prescott’s staff members. This time they were armed and they caught up to Mrs. Prince on her way home. A firefight broke out between the capital police and her private guards and Mrs. Prince was killed.

And now I am supposed to be packing. A Greystle guard is outside my door having just told Erik and I that we are to move into the lab until things settle down.

I don’t know where they are going to fit all of us. God I hope Janice and Sally are all right.

It doesn’t really feel like Christmas

/ staticsky

No one had time to buy gifts (or really the money – shipping costs from Grid vendors are insane).

We didn’t have any decorations up.

But we had a big lunch with most of the original team together for the first time in a while.

I also gave Sally the old Star Wars toys I had as a kid and of course kept in my office. She was really happy with them, though she’s been playing with those exact toys forever – whenever she visited the office. Now she owns them and she thinks that makes all the difference.

And Janice gave me a kiss.

On second thought, I guess it does feel like Christmas.

Tatoos and Memories: Relationships

/ staticsky

Alice has upgraded her NetTat so that she can update the imagery via a contact lens interface.

She’s using it like a mood ring.

Sometimes there is a happy kitty on her arm, next razor wire around her neck, then a simple tear drop on her face. And yes I actually saw that progression today, all within an hour. She must be exhausting in a relationship.

And relationships are something I’m starting to get back. I feel like I’m friends again with everyone here. It isn’t like it used to be but it is getting better. I have hope again, hope that we will again be a family.

Luckily the us vs. them mentality here has really made getting back into the fold fairly smooth. The Greystle folks keep to themselves, and we keep to ourselves.

Ned is almost officially a Greystle employee at this point. He is now known as “Ned in Bed,” because he is basically a Greystle lackey and will always take their side in any argument.

One relationship that hasn’t been restored is the only real relationship I had. Janice is keeping me at a distance. I’ve lost her trust. She’s coming to me about Alpha related issues now, so that is an improvement, but she doesn’t treat me like a friend… yet. I hope I can type yet.

One blessing is that I think the whole situation was kept from Sally who is the only person who treats me exactly the way they always had. She is a great kid. How a girl can be so normal with only geeky adults for friends is a mystery. But even she knows her mom and I are no longer together, but she never asks. Its like she just wants to be a kid and doesn’t want to know.

Now Kaitlin and Adit. That is a relationship that seems to be going well, and seems to be pretty public knowledge by now, especially since I’m asked about it by someone at the Coke machine every time I’m there. Which, now that I’m back to traditional caffeine for my sleep denying needs, is someplace I am often at.

Kaitlin actually opened up to me a little about the relationship. She told me how proud she was of Adit to even be in a relationship.

“He’s not like you and me Rob. Every time he sees me every memory he has of me is retriggered. There is no distance and no priority based on time. He remembers everything and forgets nothing. He remembers how he felt when he met me, how he felt when he touched me, he remembers how I looked on every day he saw me. My bad hair days, my inside out shirts, and every runny nose I had.”

I didn’t really get the significance until she hit me over the head with it.

“Rob, if I yell at him he will remember it forever. He will be both hurt and angry forever. Not only will it never be forgotten, it won’t weaken. It’ll be like it just happened. And every moment of anger towards me will always be there making him both angry and ashamed forever. You see Rob, by getting together with me he’s really put his heart on the line.

It’s weird. I feel a pride in having someone risk so much for me, but god Rob there is also this wall I have to have, a circuit breaker that is always there because there is this responsibility you know. I could hurt him forever.”

I would risk anything for Janice, and I feel like it’d risk everything. But Adit, he has no choice, he really is putting everything out there.

Though I have to say I feel like I’m just as ashamed whenever I see Janice now as I was six weeks ago as I stood there watching her look at the floor instead of at me as all my failings were aired. And for now I want that shame to feel fresh. I deserve to feel it.

Catching up

/ staticsky

Adit asked me today if I had been posting anything here, and I realized that since I woke up I hadn’t.

I guess with learning that Adit had discovered this blog took away a little of the fun for me. And now that it’s just on this old tablet it seems less like a blog and more just some text file.

But reading it over from the beginning earlier today made me realize I wanted to continue posting. I don’t want to forget these days working on Alpha.

So let me catch up: I’m awake now (sleep typing not being one of the side effects) and at night I go to sleep. Seems simple enough but just a few weeks ago that scenario terrified me.

The first “night” I slept for eighteen hours. When I woke up I was hungrier than I had ever been in my life. I rushed around eating every scrap of food I could find. When I sat down after eating I felt increasingly tired and worn. The idea of going back to sleep again and so soon was frightening. I began searching for some Orexinal. Instead all I found were notes from Adit listing all the things I now owed him.

“Sorry Rob, but I found them first. You owe me a coke – Adit”
And
“Nope – you owe me a weekend without you guys calling.”
Etc.

I basically am going to have to take Adit out to the nicest restaurant in the green zone

I quickly gave up searching and headed towards the bed. I barely made it.

Sixteen hours later I was awake again and starving.

Having no food left at my place I headed down to the campus cafeteria. As I walked to a table I passed some guys from Alpha’s geology team and they grew quiet as I walked by.

I was devastated. I think that was when I realized how much damage I had done to myself and to the project as a whole. I wanted to lead more than a team; I wanted the team to be a family. My family. Adit could be my brother. Janice could be my wife. Sally my daughter. But at that moment I realized that instead I was the drunk dad who almost ruined it for everyone.

I went straight back to my room. I was already having trouble walking and my head hurt. I was getting tired again, but I made sure to search everywhere to make sure every stash of Orexinal was found and flushed. I checked between the cushions and under the desk, I didn’t want one of those damn pills around.

As I start to drift off I left a semi coherent message for Adit asking him for yet one more favor. To search my office and make sure there weren’t any pills there for me to find.

And I told him I’d be in the office the next day ready to work a full day.

I was there the next day but a full day seemed beyond my abilities for nearly a week.